


It's okay, Simon

by everythingnowhere



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, SnowBaz, baz comforts simon, baz loves simon more than anything aslkdhkdjh, by kissing him, by sometimes i mean all the time, mage is an asshole, obviously, of course, simon cant sleep, simon loses his magic, simon needs baz sometimes, simon vents to penny, simons not okay right now :(, simons scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 20:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20606621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingnowhere/pseuds/everythingnowhere
Summary: "They're all waiting for me," I whisper, my eyes shut tight, my hands fisted in Baz's shirt. "You don't have to go," Baz said. "Stay with me."Simon Snow has to face the Humdrum. He's fucking terrified.(Set as Simon and Baz have graduated - the scene with the Humdrum and Simon hasn't happened. The Humdrum is still at large, and Simon still has his magic.)





	It's okay, Simon

SIMON 

I know this has to happen. 

I'm awake at 3 am, my boyfriend sleeping peacefully behind me. I'm sitting in front of the mirror. I stare myself in the eye and sigh. My eyes are puffy and red. "I can't," I whisper, almost to myself. "I can't." I let my head drop, staring at the ground, tears pooling in my eyes yet again.

BAZ

I wake to Simon sniffling. "Simon?" I say, softly. He whips his head around so fast, you might think he'd never moved. "Baz?" he says. He sounds so dejected, I slip out of bed and sit behind him, wrapping my arms around his torso. I kiss the back of his neck.  
"What's wrong, love?" I say, pulling him closer to me. He sighs. 

SIMON

Baz's breath is hot on my neck. His arms around me make me feel safe. As safe as I can get, anyway. "Tomorrow, I have to face the Humdrum," I say. Baz stiffens. Oh, right. I had forgotten to tell him about that. "I'm scared, Baz. I don't want to die." "You won't," he says willfully. "I won't let it happen." "But please come back to bed," he adds. I can sense the tiredness in him. He hasn't been sleeping well lately. "I can't sleep," I sigh. He kisses my neck again. I love him. "Please try," he says. "For me?" I sigh, dejectedly. But get up anyway. The bed is warm, probably from Baz. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest. He kisses the top of my head. I sleep. 

BAZ 

Simon's drifted out of my arms in his sleep. He's drooling on the pillow, and I don't think I've ever loved him more. He's an angel. I sit up and yawn. I'm so tired all the time. I don't know why.  
I'm struck wide awake by the fact that he's supposed to face the Humdrum today. Anyway, that's the plan. The mage and his magelings have set the whole thing up, apparently. Simon's supposed to be the one who gets him for good. I'm nervous for him. What if things go wrong? What if I lose him? I know he's worried, judged on what he said last night. I swear when he dies, I'm going to be kissing him.

SIMON 

When I wake up again, Baz is already out of bed. I get up to find him, and discover he's taking a shower. So I wait.

When he's done, he walks out of the bathroom with only a towel on. I go over and kiss him. His hands rest on my waist, my hands sliding through his hair. I don't care that my clothes are getting wet. I love him, he's magic. He pulls away from me, though. I whimper.  
“Baz…” He sighs but says,  
“I have to get dressed, love.” I go into the kitchen and he closes the bedroom door. As I make myself coffee (Baz says I don’t need it - I’m jittery enough already), I worry about today. I’m supposed to meet the Mage at 12:00. It’s 10:34. I don’t know.  
I start breathing heavily. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can do this. “BAZ?” I yell. “What?” he yells back. “Come here, please!” I say loudly. I don’t know if I’m breathing or not. I hear his footsteps behind me and he wraps his arms around me. I turn, so my head is on his chest.  
“What’s wrong, love?” he says worriedly. I can’t --  
“I can’t do this, Baz,” I cry. He starts to rub circles into my back.  
“It’s going to be okay,” he says. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” He’s only helping me a little bit. I don’t know what I’m feeling. My magic is roiling inside me. I don’t know if I can control it. I start breathing faster. Too fast.

“Shh, love. Shh, it’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m not letting you go.” I look up, and he has a hard look in his eye. I hear him mumble, “the fucking bastard.” He’s talking about the mage.  
I press harder into him, and he kisses my hair. He pulls me too sit on the couch, and gets me a glass of water. I drink it in small sips. I feel so warm, like I’m overheating.

BAZ 

The mage is such a bastard.  
Simon’s having a breakdown because of him, and the only thing I can do to help is rub his back and tell him he’s going to be okay. Currently, the chosen one is sobbing into my shoulder.  
“Drink more water,” I urge him gently. He does, spilling a little on his chin. I kiss it away. Finally, after a few more minutes, Simon starts to calm down.  
“It’s going to be okay,” I tell him. “You’ll be fine. You’re so much more powerful than the Humdrum. You’ll be fine.”  
I wish I believed what I was saying. I want him to be okay. But I have to be here for him right now.  
I pick up his phone and call Bunce. Maybe she can help him.  
“Hi, Simon!” she says cheerfully.  
“It’s Baz.”  
“Oh,” she says. She sounds disappointed. I’m not surprised.  
“Simon’s having a hard time right now, Bunce.” I sneer.  
“What’s wrong?” I hand Simon the phone.  
“Hi Penny,” he says. His voice is so small.  
“Are you okay?” I hear her ask him faintly.

“Not really,” he confesses. I bury my face is his curls. He smells like himself.  
He talks to her quietly. I kiss his head and his shoulders and his neck. Every once in a while he moves the phone away and moans softly into my black t shirt. Beautiful noises. He’s beautiful. I love him so much, fuck. He stops talking to Bunce and glances at the clock.  
“Oh, FUCK!” he yells. “It’s 11:30!” I’m still in a Simon haze, so I barely make a noise.  
“Baz! I have to go!” he exclaims. That gets me up. “No,” I murmur. He’s so warm. I’m so cold.  
He shakes me off of him. “Can you drive me?” Simon asks apologetically.  
I shrug. “Sure.” I say, trying not to portray my worry. “Get in the car,” I sneer at him. He kisses my cheek and I’m blushing like mad. “Snow,” I mutter. He doesn’t hear me.  
“I’m going to be late,” he says anxiously. I’m already worrying. I don’t want to lose him. He’s the love of my life.

SIMON 

I’m scared. And when Baz pulls up into the place I’m supposed to meet the mage, I’m feeling terrified. I love Baz. So when I step out of the car, I immediately turn to him. “I’m scared, Baz,” I murmur. He kisses me. “You’ll be fine,” he says.  
“The Humdrum’s gotten close to getting me before, and now I’ll be right there. The only thing I have is magic,” I say. “I don’t know if I can even control it.” Baz is so beautiful. His t shirt fits him well. His black hair looks so soft.  
I snap back into reality, and kiss Baz roughly. “I love you,” I whisper as we pull back for air. He freezes for a second, surprised, before saying, “I love you too, Simon.” I pull him towards me and run my hands through his hair. It’s exactly as soft as I’d imagined. God, he’s gorgeous. He’s all I want. I kiss him again, and it’s magical. We’re locked together and I’ve never been better. However, the moment is interrupted by the mage saying, “Simon. We must go.” I tear my lips off Baz’s to look at him. Baz pulls me closer. I can tell he’s upset.

I’m breathless as I say “I’ll be right there.” He nods and says “Good boy.” What a weirdo. I turn back to Baz and kiss him again, softly.  
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I say slowly. I feel trapped in slow motion, rather than too fast like earlier today. “Of course you can.”  
"They're all waiting for me," I whisper, my eyes shut tight, my hands fisted in Baz's shirt. "You don't have to go," Baz said. "Stay with me."  
"You know I can't do that." "I do." (he'll later say the same thing, when I marry him.) “I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
I start to walk towards the mage.  
“Wait.”  
I turn around and Baz kisses my cheek one final time. “For good luck,” he says, and I smile.

BAZ 

Simon Snow’s smile melts me. 

________________________________________________________

Simon stumbles in the door smelling like smoke. “Baz,” he says, and collapses. “Simon!” I say loudly, and rush to his side. He’s out cold, and unlike usual, I can’t sense his magic. Weird. 

A few hours later he comes to on the couch, groggy and disoriented. He’s a mess, hair sticking up and his shirt is ripped. He’s covered in mud. I kiss him anyway.

At least he’s alive. He made it back to me.

Later I find out that his magic’s gone. He used it all up. I never thought that would happen. But he’s okay. 

I hold him as he cries. He’s sorry for getting my shirt wet, but I say it’s okay. I like my shirt soggy.

**Author's Note:**

> might make a sequel, if I can think of something original. (also, did i sneak in a conan gray reference at the bottom? maybe.)


End file.
